As war and antisemitism continue to rage around us, I thought we could all use a break from the big, life-threatening issues. So, here’s a list of random, minor annoyances that are amusing in their triviality and yet are nevertheless exasperating. With a little help from friends on social media.
- People who watch videos on their smartphones in public places without wearing headphones. (This was repeated by so many people that I had to place it in the top spot.) Other phone frustrations: individuals who conduct loud – and often intimate – conversations on their phones in public.
- People who jaywalk while talking on their phones. Even worse: cars that try to pass me when I’m stopped to let someone (talking on his or her phone) cross and they nearly run over said pedestrian.
- Drivers not using their blinkers. (Do they teach Israelis that flipping on the turn signal drains the battery?)
- Treating the lines designating a parking spot as a suggestion. Parking on the sidewalk.
- We have a cleaner who comes once a week. He consistently swaps the location of my wife’s and my towels in the bathroom. I’d complain but he understands very little English.
- When I’m at the hospital for cancer treatments, the lovely volunteers from Ezer m’Zion come around in the morning with free snacks, which I always look forward to. But everything they offer is so unhealthy: sugary drinks, crunchy Bisli, store-bought cakes, cheap chocolate. Fortunately, then comes my favorite: the Aldo ice cream truck that pops by periodically.
- People who don’t lock the door to a public restroom. Without the “red” indicator that the stall is busy, I will invariably try pushing it open only to be yelled at by the occupant.
- After getting wet in the shower, discovering there are only two tiny slivers of soap left.
- Downward Dog. Why are yoga teachers so in love with this position? Give us more Extended Child’s Pose, please!
- Israel: Restaurants that don’t bring the bill until you’re forced to ask. U.S.: restaurants that bring the bill before you’ve even finished eating.
- Just as you’re about to nod off to sleep, hearing a mosquito buzzing around your head.
- People who pop gum or chew loudly with their mouths open.
- With most Israeli post offices no longer offering pick up, your package gets sent to a mini-market on the other side of town. You get there and it’s a form letter that could have just as easily been sent by email.
- Tele-marketers who call and then immediately ask, “Can you hold for a moment?” Goodbye.
- People who don’t clean up after their dogs. That raises a theological question: If your dog poops in the bushes at night and you can’t see it, is it batel b’shishim – the Jewish Law concept that if you drop some milk in the chicken soup, it’s OK as long as it’s only 1/60th of the total liquid – and therefore you don’t have to go on a mad search in the dark for it?
- Unsubscribe buttons that don’t do anything to unsubscribe you.
- People who talk during movies. Corollary: People who text during movies. (The glowing light drives me nuts.)
- You’re so excited that the seat in front of you at an event is free – and then a very tall person – wearing a hat – sits in it.
- Cars that insist on hogging the left lane on the highway while driving at a snail’s pace. People who stand on the left when riding an escalator. Parking on the sidewalk.
- People who ask on online foodie groups for restaurants “with a good hechsher” (kosher certification).
- Construction – it’s everywhere and never-ending. Does anyone still respect “quiet hours?” (Maybe this one isn’t so minor after all.)
- The recorded music that blasts from the ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods in Jerusalem to announce the start of Shabbat. Just bring back the old-fashioned siren. (Is that too triggering now post Oct. 7?) Or play some Ehud Banai or Idan Raichal!
- Ghosting, whether that’s a potential romantic partner who’s just gone radio silent or a writer waiting for an answer from an editor who could send a quick “not interested” message but instead just vanishes.
- Getting to the bottom of the pita and discovering there’s just tehina and vegetables but no more falafel balls.
- Restaurants that blast music so loud you can’t have a conversation. You ask them to turn it down. They humor you for a few minutes, then it’s back to the previous level.
- People who ask you something they could have just as quickly looked up on Google.
- Masseuses who don’t listen but just do what they want.
- Dings – was that my phone or yours? Was it WhatsApp, an incoming email, a Duolingo reminder? Is it coming from the laptop? The iPad?
- Showing up to the house of an immunosuppressed cancer sufferer like me when you have a cough or runny nose and saying, “It’s probably just allergies.”
- Deodorant – or rather the lack thereof.
- Every gas station in Israel seems to have a different interface. Do you swipe your credit card first or only after inserting the nozzle? And how about some instructions in English?
- The “please confirm” text messages when you have an appointment. It promotes efficiency, for sure, but do I need to get the same message by email, WhatsApp, SMS and then an automated voice reminder?
- And per Alanis Morisette: Rain on your wedding day. Or a free ride, when you’ve already paid.
I first expressed my frustrations at The Jerusalem Post.
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