Our cousin Marla came into
\nour lives only two years ago when she arrived in Israel to study at the
\nPardes Institute of Jewish Studies. But as soon as we found each other,
\nshe became a close part of our family in Jerusalem. We both had very
\nlittle family here, and so finding each other was that much more
\nimportant. Marla spent countless Shabbatot with us, many chagim, and
\ntime at shul as a member of Kehillat Yedidya.<\/p>\n
It seems that
\nwhenever someone leaves us in such a sudden and harsh way, everyone
\nsays how special and unique that person was. In Marla’s case, this was
\nreally true. She was a remarkable human being – a wonderful, giving,
\ncaring, playful woman with a deep love of deep life – and her death is
\na tragic loss to the entire Jewish people. She was always up, always
\nfull of energy. Her smile could melt any sadness. It is not for nothing
\nthat her email address was marlaann@cheerful.com. <\/p>\n
She was
\nsmart, tolerant, committed to tradition, and embodied the very things
\nthe Jewish world and the world as a whole need more of. As a teacher,
\nshe would have inspired so many Jewish children towards those values.
\nHer commitment to tzedakah and helping people were not just words, but
\nreally were an integral part of who she was.<\/p>\n
Marla had a
\nparticularly strong connection with our children who loved her deeply.
\nWhen the parents needed to nap on Shabbat, it was Marla who would hang
\nout all afternoon and play games with them – cards with our 11-year-old
\nAmir, Monopoly with our 9-year-old Merav, or endless rounds of hide and
\nseek with our 4-year-old Aviv. She made a special effort to come to
\nMerav’s violin concert; I think the first time she had been in an
\nIsraeli elementary school. I remember her sitting with us, the proud
\nparents, just as proud of her 9-year-old cousin. Telling our children
\nabout her death was one of the hardest things we’ve had to do.<\/p>\n
When
\nwe went on vacation this summer, we gave Marla the keys to our
\napartment and car. She was so excited to have a car to use for the
\nmonth… or maybe it was the access to cable TV for a while! I came back
\nafter four weeks from my part of the vacation; Jody and the kids were
\nto stay on in San Diego for another 3 weeks. Marla was flying to see
\nthem the very day she was murdered. Before I left, we joked that she
\nand I would cross in the air – as I would be landing literally as she
\nwas taking off. Marla’s last email to Jody was – see you on Friday in
\nSan Diego. They met, instead, a few days later under entirely different
\nand tragic circumstances.<\/p>\n
In the weeks since Marla’s death,
\nthere have been many moving tributes distributed by email and posted
\nthroughout the Internet. What was it about Marla that has touched so
\nmany people in such a profound way? Certainly, she was an amazing
\nperson. But it’s more than that. I think that, in many ways, we are all
\nMarla. We can see ourselves in Marla – in what we were, what we are, or
\nwhat we might become. For Jody and I, the parallels are particularly
\nstriking. Our paths were the same, even though they were separated by
\nsome 17 years.<\/p>\n
Marla, Jody and I all grew up in California and
\ncame from reform or unaffiliated backgrounds. Marla and Jody both came
\nto Israel when they were 22. Each of us studied and became observant at
\nPardes. Jody & I met while studying together at Pardes in the early
\n1980s. Marla and her boyfriend Michael fell in love here in the 21st
\nCentury. Jody & I were married and spent several years in the
\nStates before making Aliyah. This could very likely have been the path
\nfor Marla and Michael as well. <\/p>\n
Marla’s friend Shayna told Jody
\na story about one day in July, while we were on our vacation and Marla
\nhad use of our car. Shayna and Marla took the car and went to the pool
\nin the Jerusalem Forest. They had a great time. Afterwards, they came
\nback to our house because Marla needed to water the plants. That was
\nthe kind of person Marla was – she would never miss a day. While there,
\nMarla took Shayna on a tour of all the photographs in our living room.
\nShe kvelled over the kids.<\/p>\n
Marla looked at us and saw what her
\nown life could become, and we looked at her and imagined anew the
\npossibilities of life and what it would bring, as she was starting out
\non her path. Would she and Michael truly marry? Would they have
\nchildren? How many? Where would they live? What would they do? Would
\nthey be happy? In what ways would they change the world? In what ways
\nhave they already changed it?<\/p>\n
When we look at Marla’s destiny
\nnow, we can also imagine that it could have been any one of us at
\nHebrew University that day. That our life, so fresh with promise at age
\n24, could have been cut down mercilessly and everything that has
\nunfolded since would never have come to be. Marla touched all of us
\nbecause she was all of us, either now or at one time.<\/p>\n
When a
\ntragedy such as this befalls us, it puts into perspective our
\nrelationship as individuals vs. the national history of the Jewish
\npeople. Too often, in the face of difficult times such as those we are
\nexperiencing now in Israel, we tend to bury our heads, hoping it will
\npass over us and our immediate family will get through this on the way
\nto “better” times. But when someone in your family is targeted because
\nshe is a Jew, you instantly are thrust into part of the collective
\nJewish narrative. Your story of tragedy – and also in entirely
\ndifferent circumstances a story of joy or success – becomes part and
\nparcel of the Jewish totality. You can no longer see yourself as just
\nindividuals. In this way Marla is not alone, none of us are alone. Our
\nstruggle is collective.<\/p>\n
Indeed, Marla wrote these very words in
\nMay in a column she contributed to a San Diego newspaper that has now
\nbeen widely circulated online. I’ll repeat the critical lines here: “My
\nfriends and family in San Diego are right when they call and ask me to
\ncome home – it is dangerous here,” she wrote. “I appreciate their
\nconcern. But there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be right
\nnow. I have a front-row seat for the history of the Jewish people. I am
\na part of the struggle for Israel's survival.”<\/p>\n
Marla dared to
\nexpress the feelings we are sometimes afraid to say out loud. That this
\nplace we live in IS dangerous…but that it’s worth it. That life is more
\nthan just a new SUV, a movie theater with stadium seating and 400
\nchannels of digital cable. It is that meaning is critical. That some
\nthings are worth fighting for. <\/p>\n
And yet, just three months
\nbefore those words were published, in February, when she was in the
\nStates doing her student teaching, she emailed Jody asking for some
\nwords of strength and encouragement to come back. She was worried.
\nScared. Was this the right thing to do? And we gave her the words she
\nwas seeking. Now it is Marla, through her words and her actions, who is
\ngiving strength and encouragement to all of us to continue in the
\nstruggle, to not give up, to not run away to a place that we perceive
\nto be somehow “safer.” But rather to remain part of community – this
\ncommunity – and participate fully in the unfolding national Jewish
\ndrama.<\/p>\n
Marla had her eyes wide open. She knew why she was here.
\nAnd her actions were contagious. Debbie Jacobson who knew Marla from
\nthe Educator’s Program, sent out an email to the Pardes community where
\nshe related speaking with Marla’s mother Linda after the funeral in San
\nDiego. “Go back to Israel next year, don’t even think about not going
\nback,” Linda told Debbie. “Marla would have wanted you to go back. It
\nwould be a waste of Marla’s life and everything she stood for if you
\ndon’t go back”. That a mother while still in the throes of mourning
\nover the loss of her precious daughter could say such a remarkable
\nthing is a testament to the way Marla has already changed the world.<\/p>\n
I
\nhave tried to find words of comfort for my children. My message to them
\nwhen I spoke to them over the phone in San Diego after the hearing the
\ntragic news was that the best way to preserve Marla’s memory is to use
\nwho she was and what made her special to either change yourselves or
\nchange the world. To make yourself a better person – more like Marla –
\nor to help make the world a safer, more giving, more loving place. <\/p>\n
To
\nthis, I would add that we must do it together, as a community,
\nfollowing in the path that Marla was on – the path that we have all
\nbeen on, or that we are on now, or that we will be on in the future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Our cousin Marla came into our lives only two years ago when she arrived in Israel to study at the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies. But as soon as we found each other, she became a close part of our family in Jerusalem. We both had very little family here, and so finding each other […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1086,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions\/1086"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}