{"id":3654,"date":"2017-06-25T09:05:14","date_gmt":"2017-06-25T06:05:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/?p=3654"},"modified":"2017-07-03T08:18:56","modified_gmt":"2017-07-03T05:18:56","slug":"when-words-and-belief-clash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisnormallife.com\/2017\/06\/when-words-and-belief-clash\/","title":{"rendered":"When words and belief clash"},"content":{"rendered":"
It was Friday night, and as I was preparing to say the Shabbat kiddush<\/em> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the traditional sanctification of the wine \u00e2\u20ac\u201c one of our guests made a surprising request: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Could I, um, make my own kiddush<\/em>?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The question seemed innocent enough, but I knew what he was getting at. It was not that he had the minhag<\/em> (custom) of reciting the kiddush<\/em> for himself, as some people do. Rather, he was not comfortable with me taking on the obligation of doing the kiddush<\/em> for him \u00e2\u20ac\u201c I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t an observant enough Jew by his halachic<\/em> standards.<\/p>\n I sat in silence for a moment, saddened and stung at being spiritually dissed yet still wanting to be respectful and wondering what (if anything) I should say in return.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Of course,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d my wife, Jody, jumped in, reaching over and handing him a kiddush<\/em> cup and bottle of grape juice.<\/p>\n After dinner, Jody and I discussed what happened.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why do you care so much?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she asked. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe the words in the kiddush<\/em>. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even like saying them that much. Why get so upset if someone else wants to take that on for the night?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Jody was right: Since my observance has waned, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve tiptoed along a spiritual tightrope, in some cases scrupulously adhering to the traditions I followed for so many years, in others, blazing a personal path toward unorthodox authenticity. In this delicate dance, my choices and public displays of Judaism are not always logical.<\/p>\n My kiddush<\/em> crisis triggered another, deeper question: What do you do when the words you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re saying don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t match your internal belief system?<\/p>\n It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not just the kiddush<\/em> \u00e2\u20ac\u201c it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all of Jewish prayer, with its supernatural implications, that no longer speak to me. Even the sing-along chants of Kabbalat Shabbat at Jerusalem\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Nava Tehila<\/a>, that most non-judgmental of minyanim<\/em>, are written in language that reflects an \u00e2\u20ac\u0153immanent\u00e2\u20ac\u009d conception of the divine that I used to find seductive but, as I hinted at in my most recent column, now seems archaic and out of touch.<\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve come up with three responses to this liturgical dissonance.<\/p>\n One is simply not to say words I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t relate to. Let Jody or a guest say the kiddush<\/em> for everyone. Hum along when I go to shul. Meditate if I find myself at Ma\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ariv<\/em> (the evening prayer).<\/p>\n A second response: change the words. I have a friend who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s written his own version of the kiddush<\/em> in Hebrew and English. He sings it with great passion, yet while I admire his creativity and lack of self-consciousness, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s always sounded strange to me.<\/p>\n A third option: still say the traditional words but think<\/em> something else. There is precedent for such an approach: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You yourselves saw that I spoke to you from the very heavens,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d God says to the Israelites in the Book of Exodus, mixing two senses at once.<\/p>\n How might this work? Here are a few examples from the Shabbat service.<\/p>\n On Friday night, when we say the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mi Kamocha\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201c who is like you among the heavenly powers? \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just a single word reinterpreted makes all the difference. Not who is mighty, but what is mighty becomes an opportunity to reflect on power and its proper use in the world.<\/p>\n